dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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