Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
