My brain says no but my pants say off.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
