Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
