he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
