The maid of honor just puked.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
