Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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