I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
