while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
