your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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