u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have demons in me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
