She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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