just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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