these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
