when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm determined to sit on that face.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize