man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
