Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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