When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
