The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
