I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
