she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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