Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
