take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just had sex bonerless
only if we run a train.
done.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
