I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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