You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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