Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize