yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
