if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
