FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
