I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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