Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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