I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
