In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
