I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
