She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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