They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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