guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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