I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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