my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
