Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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