dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
