just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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