Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
