Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
