I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize