i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
