I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
