look no pants
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
