And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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