Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
