She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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