you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
