In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
