You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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