so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
