i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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