so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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