I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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