Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's never too late to be topless.
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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