at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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